Anthony's Abyss
by Antz The Great
Summary: Tales of the Abyss as told by me.
1. Chapter 1

Luke was wandering around his manor bored, as usual. He decided to go have some fun so he went to find a maid. All the maids were gathered around so he had a tough choice to make. He looked them all up and down and eventually chose which one he thought was the hottest.

"You! Strip for me!" Luke demanded.

"D-do I have to? I don't really feel comfortable with this." The maid said.

Luke groaned and said, "I have no memories, I'm soooo traumatized. Why do I even bother being alive, I'm just a burden on everyone. I'm just gonna go kill myself."

The maid fell for Luke's trick and was just about to undress when the butler came in and told Luke to go back to his room. Luke walked into room and then realized 'Hey why is _he_ ordering _me _around? I'm the master here.' Luke saw his friend Guy jump in the window and shove something that looked like a black mask into his pocket.

"Hey Luke, what's up?" Guy asked.

"Nothin' much. I was just about to get a maid to strip but that stupid butler got in the way." Luke said.

"Maid to strip huh? There's a topic I care nothing about." Guy said.

Luke heard a knocking on his door. "Hey maybe she came here to strip for me."

"Master Luke, Van is waiting for you in the drawing room." The maid said.

"You can come in you know." Luke said.

"I-I'd rather not." The maid said.

"Tch. Fine, whatever."

"Well Luke, I'm going to leave to. Things to do, lives to save, you know." Guy said, jumping out of the window.

"Tch. Fine, whatever." Luke said. He got up and walked to drawing room, to see Van.

"It's good to see you foolish repli-- I mean Luke." Van said.

"Master Van, what are you doing here?" Luke asked.

"I'm here to train you."

"But it's Remday. We only train on Gnomeday, Ifritday, and Loreleiday." Luke said.

"Yes well, I have to make an exception. I have to go find Fon Master Ion." Van said.

"What's a Fon Master Ion?"

"He's just a foolish replica, like you… not that… you're a replica or anything… I mean it's not like I kidnapped the real you and made a replica just so I could destroy the world or anything like that. 'Cause I would never do that. I am totally trustworthy. Look at my eyebrows. Do evil people have eyebrows like this? I thought not." Van said.

"Tch. Fine, whatever."

"Right. Onto the training."

Van taught Luke the basics of playing the game. X to attack, O to use Arte's. You know. Luke got confused and got a headache. All of a sudden the mysterious intruder Tear jumped into the courtyard off the roof. As she ran at Van in an attempt to kill him she fell over.

"That's what you get for wearing high heels. Ya dumb broad!" Luke said.

"As Tear was about to bonk Van with her staff Luke got in the way and blocked it. There was a big explosion, and Luke and Tear were teleported to a land far away.


	2. Chapter 2

Luke and Tear found themselves in a strange area after the weird explosion. "Hey, I've a question." Luke said.

"What is it?" Tear said.

"Do you like Pokemon?" Luke said, pulling his Nintendo DS out of his pocket.

"What? Pokemon? How old are you?"

"I'm 17. But I don't have any childhood memories so I'm doing kiddy stuff to try and relive my childhood." Luke said.

"Sure… you keep telling yourself that."

"It's true!" Luke shouted, swinging his arms around. His DS slipped out of his hand and was thrown off the nearby cliff. "PIKACHU! NOOOOO!" Luke ran and jumped off the cliff. "I'll save you!" He landed in the water and dove under searching for his DS. Eventually he found it and climbed back up the cliff.

"Was that really worth it?" Tear asked.

"Yeah, totally. So… you wanna trade some Pokemon?" Luke asked.

"No. Maybe we should just get out of here." Tear said, leading the way.

"I hope we don't get jumped by any monsters. All I have is this stupid wooden sword." Luke took his sword out and started running the blade across his neck. "See it can't even cut anything."

"Well then I-"

"OW!" Luke interrupted.

"What's the matter?" Tear asked.

"Splinter…" Luke said.

As they walked they were eventually attacked by a monster.

"Son of a…" Luke said.

"Just concentrate. It's a mini rhino thingy. This shouldn't be a problem." Tear said.

"Ah crap…" Luke said.

"What?"

"The difficulty is set to unknown mode. He has like 1000 HP." Luke said.

"Oh… that could be a problem." After a long and tiring fight the two stood there gasping for breath.

"Woohoo… we got a lousy 5 exp." Luke said.

"We should probably set the difficulty back to normal." Tear said.

"Yeah, good idea." Luke said.

They walked along a little further and were attacked by two monsters at the same time.

"Goddamnit! What the hell do we do? There's two!" Luke said.

"Just calm down. You can switch targets with the R1 button." Tear said.

"What R1 button?" Luke asked.

"I wasn't talking to you Luke. I was talking to the greater power that controls us." Tear said.

"O…kay." Luke and Tear finished off the two little enemies with ease. They walked along more, avoiding every enemy they could. Eventually they found another human being.

"Hey, could you give us a ride to the capital?" Tear asked.

"What's in it for me?" The man asked.

"Sexual favors." Luke said. The man looked at Luke disgusted. "Not from me! From her!"

"Oh, well that changes everything." The man said, examining Tear.

"I'm only 16."Tear said.

"So what, we're no where near civilization. The laws of man don't apply to us here." Luke said.

"How about I just give you my pendant?" Tear suggested.

"Fine. Let's go." The man said.

They got in the man's carriage and started travelling. Eventually the saw a huge landship chasing another carriage.

"That's kind of… overkill, isn't it?" Luke said.

"That's the land dreadnaught Tartarus." The man said.

"Yeah but do they really need to use such a big ship to catch such a small carriage?" Luke said.

"Well this is Malkuth. Emperor Peony is afraid that Kimlasca might attack so all military is on high alert." The man said.

"Peony? HAHAHAHA!" Luke couldn't stop laughing at the emperor's name. "What the fk kind of name is Peony? I mean if he was gonna be emperor why not at least change his name. What is some short little fat dude or something?… Hey wait a sec. Malkuth? We're in Malkuth? What the hell ya dumb broad! WHY ARE WE IN MALKUTH!!??"

"I'm not from around here what's your excuse?"

"I WAS LOCKED IN A MANOR FOR THE LAST SEVEN YEARS!! AND I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR FROM A BIG ORGANIZATION THAT PRACTICALLY RUNS THE WORLD OR ANYTHING!"

"Would you shut up kid. What the hell's with you people?" The man said.

"Time to blow this popsicle stand." Luke kicked the carriage door open and jumped out.

"Do I really have to follow him? Sigh I guess it's my fault he's here so I might as well." Tear jumped out after Luke.

"Look there's a town right over there." Luke said.

"Where?" Tear asked.

"There. Look the carriage just passed by it. You see it now?"

"Yeah… maybe we should have just stayed in the carriage."

"Bah! Too late for that now! Let's roll!" And with that they were on there way.


End file.
